"Surviving the Universe's Third Worst: An Insider's Guide to Vogon
 Poetry"
**Title: Vogon Poetry**
**Welcome, dear reader, to another indispensable entry in The
 Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Today, we tackle a subject so deadly
 it's considered the third worst in the universe: Vogon poetry.**
Vogon poetry is not, by any stretch of the galactic imagination,
 something to be taken lightly. Originating from the bureaucrats of the
 cosmos, the Vogons (those unpleasant beings in charge of, among other
 bureaucratic nightmares, the hyperspace express routes), Vogon poetry
 is a form of expression that serves as a testament to the Vogon's lack
 of two particularly human traits: empathy and rhythm.
For those unacquainted and considering a flirt with danger (or perhaps
 those contemplating a novel form of self-punishment), here's what you
 need to know about Vogon poetry:
**The Aesthetic (or Lack Thereof)**
Vogon poetry is defined primarily by its absolute disregard for such
 trivial concerns as 'beauty,' 'coherence,' and 'sanity.' It is often
 composed in a guttural growl or a nasal whine, depending on the poet's
 mood and the local laws of physics.
Listeners have been known to experience a wide range of emotions, from
 despair through to profound despair, and in rare cases, total
 existential collapse. The experience is akin to being slowly digested
 by an enzyme that hates you, personally.
**Cultural Significance**
To the Vogons, poetry is a method of expressing the innermost thoughts
 of their cold, bureaucratic hearts. It is also a traditional form of
 torture used on hitchhikers and other unfortunates who find themselves
 at the mercy of these brutish beings. Some speculate that Vogon poetry
 also plays a role in their mating rituals, though the specifics are
 too horrifying to detail and remain purely speculative (no researcher
 has ever been that brave or, indeed, reckless).
**Survival Tips**
Should you find yourself in the precarious situation of being subjected
 to a recitation of Vogon poetry, The Guide recommends the following
 survival strategies:
1. **Do Not Panic:** It's not helpful, and it will end. Eventually.
2. **Plug Your Ears:** Not always effective given the poetry's ability
 to bypass auditory systems and directly assail the psyche, but worth a
 try.
3. **Flattery:** If you can't escape, lying about your enjoyment can
 sometimes shorten the recitation. Vogons have egos as fragile as their
 temper is short.
**In Conclusion**
Vogon poetry serves as a stark reminder that not all galactic cultures
 value beauty, truth, or any semblance of sanity. It is a cultural
 artefact to be avoided at all costs, much like the Vogons themselves.
Remember, knowledge is the best defense against the dark arts of Vogon
 poetry. Keep your Towel handy, your Guide closer, and always, always
 prepare for the worst. 
This has been an entry from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Safe
 travels, and don't let the Vogons catch you unawares.