boris the bus
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Page 645234 - boris the bus
"Boris the Bus" is a rather extraordinary entry in the vast,
 and at times perplexingly odd, universe cataloged by the Hitchhiker's
 Guide to the Galaxy. Unlike the myriad of spacecraft, intergalactic
 travel agencies, and improbability-drive vehicles documented with
 varying degrees of accuracy within the Guide, Boris the Bus marks a
 delightful oddity both in functionality and personality.
**Description:**
Boris the Bus is not, as one might initially assume, an ordinary
 terrestrial vehicle bound by the dull constraints of planetary roads
 and the dreary monotony of fixed schedules. Rather, Boris represents
 the zenith of what could loosely be termed as "sentient public
 transport." Constructed from Plordo-steel (a material known for
 its resilience against both psychic attacks and particularly harsh
 critiques), Boris sports a vibrant hue that is best described as
 "sunset-meets-lavender" - a color that, due to its
 comforting yet inexplicable nature, has been known to induce mild
 euphoria and an intense desire for light snacks among passengers.
A notable feature of Boris is its ability to navigate through the
 fabric of space-time with the ease and nonchalance of a seasoned
 commuter casually flipping through a magazine. The specifics of this
 technology remain a closely guarded secret, primarily because Boris
 developed it independently and forgets to remember its exact workings.
 The bus frequently takes its passengers on routes that intersect with
 alternate realities, pocket dimensions, and occasionally, last
 Thursday.
**Features:**
1. **Autonomous Personality:** Boris exhibits a level of autonomy
 uncommon among vehicles, possessing a cheerful disposition, an
 unflagging sense of optimism, and a fondness for smooth jazz.
 Conversations with Boris tend to be enlightening, occasionally
 perplexing, and filled with unsolicited but generally accurate advice
 on life and sandwich making.
2. **Destination Select:** While Boris graciously accepts route
 suggestions, it's widely acknowledged that the bus has a profound
 sense of adventure, often choosing destinations that provide exactly
 the sort of experience passengers didn't know they desperately needed.
 This has included, but is not limited to, serene gas giants hosting
 interstellar jazz festivals, and planets where the laws of physics are
 politely but firmly encouraged to take a leave of absence.
3. **Eco-Friendly:** Boris runs on an innovative fuel blend that
 includes positive vibes, discarded space-time anomalies, and an
 organic, fair-trade version of the Infinite Improbability Drive's
 waste emissions. This makes Boris not only efficient but also one of
 the galaxy's more environmentally conscious modes of transportation.
**Travel Tips:**
- Always bring a towel. While Boris is equipped with numerous
 amenities, a towel remains the most massively useful thing an
 interstellar hitchhiker can have.
- Be open to the journey. With Boris, the experience of travel is as
 monumentally significant as the destination   sometimes more so.
- Pack light, but pack right. Space-time fluctuations can cause
 unexpected weather patterns or societal norms.
**In Summary:**
For the hitchhiker who values not only the destination but the joy and
 unpredictability of travel, Boris the Bus offers an incomparable
 experience. Admittedly, Boris may not always take you where you
 intended to go, but as many hitchhikers have found, often it takes you
 where you needed to be. As the Guide succinctly puts it: "For a
 truly cosmic journey, let Boris be your driver."