Given the whimsical and scientific nature of the article, here are some
 potential titles: "Kael: The Three-State Mineral That Sings
 Opera" This title captures both the unique physical properties of
 the mineral and its bizarre behavior, while maintaining a tone that
 matches the article's humorous-yet-scientific style.
KAEL
*Kael* is a rare mineral found primarily in the swamps of
 Squornshellous Zeta. Known for its peculiar property of being
 simultaneously solid, liquid, and gaseous at room temperature, kael
 has puzzled xenomineralogists across the Galaxy for centuries.
The indigenous Mattresses of Squornshellous Zeta use kael in their
 traditional coming-of-age ceremonies, during which young Mattresses
 must attempt to flollop through a kael deposit without becoming either
 too wet or too dusty - a feat that is, quite naturally, impossible.
The mineral gained brief notoriety when a Grebulonian mining
 corporation attempted to harvest it for use in their quantum-phased
 breakfast cereal production line. The project was abandoned after
 several workers reported that the kael had begun singing Santraginus V
 opera in three-part harmony.
Scientists recommend avoiding direct contact with kael unless you enjoy
 having your molecular structure rearranged into something "more
 aesthetically pleasing" according to obscure mathematical
 principles.
*See also: Impossible Minerals, Things That Should Not Be, and Why
 Mining Corporations Should Really Know Better*
[Entry last updated: Galactic date 23/23/23]